Evidence of a vanished civilization has long been
suspected to exist under the thick layer of earth laid down at the
close of the last ice age.
Known as the Bretz floods, numerous colossal tidal-waves of melted
glaciers swept over Eastern Washington and down the Columbia River
Gorge, ponding over the Portland area, and depositing silt, before
flowing out to sea.
Sand, gravel, and finally, clay covered all that had been created
before 10,000 years ago, leaving no physical trace of existence for
future generations of inhabitants.
Psychic archeology, however, can sometimes probe to depths of
hundreds of feet. Although not fully understood nor accepted by
authorities, no one can argue with results. The Mystery Hole™
stands in mute yet undeniable testimony to the validity of following
the mind's eye with pick and shovel.
No one would have suspected from looking at an ordinary wild
blackberry patch in a suburban backyard, that Oregon’s most
incredible archeological site lay waiting beneath. No one, that is,
except those using their natural psychic abilities to “see”
a Giant Double Arch™, a stupendous Gaping Tunnel™, and
cryptic rock inscriptions appearing to be lazer-blasted in a strange
stone-like material indistinguishable from our modern day
concrete.
No one can say with authority that breathing the peculiar, cool air which wafts up from the Mystery Hole can cure any and every illness you might have. Nor that you will suddenly have more money than you know what to do with. Nor that you will find true love in less than a month.
However, there are those who feel that they have been helped in health, romance, and/or money by breathing the Enchanting Vapors of Encouragement™.
Without being certain of who dug the Woodstock Mystery Hole, it is virtually impossible to determine how it was created. The absence of pick and shovel marks points to crude methods by a primitive people. However, this is given by some researchers as evidence of extraterrestrial activity. Indeed, marks not unlike laser-blasting are clearly visible on the walls of this gaping cavern, adding fuel to the fires of debate. Most experts and theorists do agree on one thing -- it was not created by natural forces.
The Mystery Hole goes all the way to the bottom. The
depth of the Woodstock Mystery Hole has never been accurately
determined by modern scientific methods, and estimates vary greatly,
but the over-all consensus is that it is very deep.
Perhaps the most puzzling mystery of all is the
original purpose of the Hole. Theories have been hotly debated since
the discovery of this enigmatic wonder by modern Man. Was it used as
shelter? Was it a ceremonial kiva? Was it an outpost for beings from
another planet? Did someone just dig a hole?
Well, it seems that more questions than answers have been unearthed
by the discovery of the Woodstock Mystery Hole.
The scientific establishment remains remarkably silent in the Woodstock Mystery Hole controversy. Perhaps, as some insiders speculate, they still haven't figured it out themselves. Until they do, the whole family can join in on the fun of theorizing and postulating.
Safety and protection are major concerns at the
Mystery Hole. Since it's not safe, protection is needed. For this
purpose, liability waivers are available for signatures before
descending into the depths.
I, the undersigned, do hereby certify that I must be out of my mind to climb down into a damp, dark hole when I'm perfectly safe where I am.Signed _____________________________
Dated _____________________________
Perfectly aligned with the North Star, a
stupendous arch stands guard at the entrance to the phenomenal gaping
tunnel at the bottom of the sensational Woodstock Mystery Hole. The
ratio of the height to width is precisely 1.618 -- the same ratio
found in natural spirals from sunflower heads, to snails’
shells, to spiral galaxies. This “Golden Mean” of geometry
was not determined until the 13th century! How could a primitive
people have known the solution to a problem that took mathematicians
centuries to unravel? Perhaps the architects were not so primitive
after all.
No tool marks can be detected on the arch, lending credence to the
theory that they were carved by a superior culture with sophisticated
technology, which our civilization is only now developing. However,
this “gods from the sky” theory fails to answer two big
questions: “Why would an advanced civilization place a
message-stone deep in the earth, and when will they return?”
Mysterious “carvings” on Giant Double Arch have endured the
untold eons, but their meanings have been lost in the sands of time.
Attempts to decode the ancient symbols have only added to the
confusion. Is that really a flying craft with a pilot at the
controls? Do those formula hint at a cure for cancer? Could the star
pattern on the vault be a clue to the origin of mysterious visitors
from space?
How Old is the Arch?
The novice archeologist might date the arch at less than 5,000 years,
simply going by the thick over-layer of sediment from ancient floods.
But, extraterrestrials who have mastered the art of laser blasting
could put an arch anyplace they feel like.
Perhaps the most incredible discovery of all: a
massive, rough-hewn, but intricately carved, entrance to...? Could it
be a subterranean city complex?
At the far end of a side tunnel in the very depths of the Mystery
Hole™ sits a portal created in a scale unmatched even by the
Giant Double Arch™. The vast, as yet immovable door speaks of a
people whose height is almost unimaginable to us.
The subterranean complex hasn’t been found yet, but most
researchers doubt that an entrance would have been created without
something to enter. Only further excavations will unravel the Hole
“truth”.
Those who dare to stare into the infinite depths
of darkness may find themselves face-to-face with a darker side of
their personas. It is believed that each of us has a dark side that
we reveal to no one, not even ourselves. Shocking personal
revelations await those who dare to gaze into the infinite depths of
the awe-inspiring, megalithic slab.
What will your reflection be, in the entrancing “Black
Obsidian” Mirror of a Higher Truth™?
How thick is it?
Many are startled to learn that it is actually less than three inches
thick.
Where did it come from?
Complex techniques of an advanced civilization are evident in the incredibly flat, polished mirror surface. Some questions may never be answered satisfactorily.
In the years following the unsolved mystery of its
sudden horizontal realignment in 1988, the Mystery Tower has passed
through many phases. At times it was 66.6% erect -- at times only
33.3%. It stood at 100% for a time, inspiring all who bore witness to
its height. Replacement of the giant “fluorite crystal,”
shattered in the Realignment of '88, will be guided by cryptic
inscriptions ensculptured on the Giant Double Arch™.
What’s the Mystery Tower for?
It may very well be years before its true purpose is determined.
In the meantime, it serves as a holy beacon to Fun seekers, a rock
gym, an axis mundi, and more. Until the transceiving fluorite crystal
is ready, a sailing boat serves well as a substitute, rewarding
climbers with mountain views and dreams of far-off worlds.
It has been said that a force powerful enough to charge the entire
planet with positive energy could be generated from a tower such as
the one depicted on the Arch.
Visitors are encouraged to take pictures of the Suggested Photo Spot: designated by the Center for Land Use Interpretation, and highlighted by an exciting, pointed electrical display.
Affectionately called Molokai by some admirers, the gargantuan History Mole embodies the spirit of obsessed diggers the world around: advancing with shovel poised and a gleam in the eye. Being photographed with Molokai is said to bring good fortune for diggers, and to ward off caving, running ground, and bad air.
All who have wishes are encouraged to drop a coin in the Wishing Pipe. Visitors are astounded to learn that every wish is 100% unconditionally guaranteed for life.
Black as the Hole itself, visitors defy gravity by
gripping the Mystery Pole with gloved hands while descending from the
Mystery Hedge Walk.
In addition to being listed in many guides of what to see and do in the Pacific Northwest, the increasingly-popular void known as the Woodstock Mystery Hole has received more than its share of in depth media attention.
Anodyne, a Portland arts and culture magazine, dedicated more than two literary pages, with Mr. E. Mann emerging from the Mystery Hole on their cover for September 1997. Anodyne is no longer published.
AOL
City Guide for Portland includes a description of the Hole, and an opportunity to write a “user review”.
KATU TV in Portland Oregon, as part of their “What's Weird About Portland” series, gave viewers a quick view of the Hole on November 9, 2007.
KGW TV’s locally-produced program, Good Evening, featured a tour of the Hole with Mary Alice Rosko, giving viewers a rare glimpse of the Giant Double Arch, Mystery Tower, and Stupefying Double-wide Stairway to Upthere. The program has since gone off the air.
Lex Loeb’s UFO Museum offers an online tour
which may be quite dark on most monitors, enhancing authenticity.
Monk magazine's Portland issue, which finally hit the newsstands in late 1994, included a lengthy, somewhat fictionalized, exploration of the Hole. Monk Magazine is no longer published.
Monk
Travel lists recommended places in
Portland which they have visited and enjoyed. Scroll on down to find
the Hole.
The Nose, a now-defunct magazine out of San Francisco, published an
article attempting to explain some of the Hole mysteries in their
July/August 1994 issue.
Portland's Oregonian newspaper included a large color photo of the entrance to the Mystery Hole™ in August 1992.
The Portland Tribune’s premier issue of Cue magazine prominently featured the Hole on December 21, 2001. Cue magazine is no longer published.
Squid Kidd's photo essay of his visit to the Hole includes captivating descriptions of images in and around the Hole.
Strange Universe aired a sensationalized tour of the Mystery Hole at least three times before strangely going off the air -- or have they?
Weird
Mysteries site circles back around to Lex Loeb’s UFO Museum, but on the way you’ll see new photos.
Weird TV toured the Hole in August 2003, and compiled a video which is no longer available for viewing online.
For a month, Widmer Brothers Brewing promoted the Mystery Hole in radio spots all over Portland for their “Nothing filtered out” ad campaign. Radio provides the perfect medium for visualizing void art works such as the Hole.
Wild Life: Unusual Oregon by Mark Christensen includes a large photo of Mr. E. Mann beside the Hole, and an enticing and accurate description of it. (Sasquatch Books 1997).
Awareness of the Mystery Hole continues to spread by word of mouth
from person to person through the grassroots grapevine of the
people.
Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900) wrote, before women were acknowledged to exist in writing:
“No man but feels more of a man in the world if he have a bit of ground that he can call his own. However small it is on the surface, it is four thousand miles deep; and that is a very handsome property.”An excerpt from My Summer in a Garden.